So now the pressure is on. Oh and sorry about the big font in the last post... it was a test. And I write too much most of the time to have big font...

As I was saying... the pressure is on. Because now there are people I KNOW reading this. Hmm. Now I have to watch what I say...

So tonight is Tamsin's night to come and watch Jamie so I can rest without him for a night. M and I were supposed to go out for a drink when he got home from his gazillionth business trip of the week (okay 4th but that's a gazillion for those of us who haven't flown to Moscow, Helsinki or Zurich lately). But instead his plane got re-routed to Stanstead instead of Heathrow due to 'freak electrical storms in the area' which apparently is code for securite emergency that we're not going to televise. Very boring story short he got home at 1130. But it IS Friday night and travel is difficult at the best of times on Friday nights.

Instead Tamsin and I chattered away about stuff. She's a really lovely woman but has had alot of difficult times in the past 6 or 7 years. And I mean Difficult -how did you survive that? times. Also she's the proper English person I've gotten to know in this country. I mean M's English but she's from the opposite type of family (Mark's family is fairly Conservative (repulican to you Americans) and her family is dyed-in-the-wool Labour (socialist some people would say or Democrat. Think of all those staunch Clintonians out there and you'll know exactly what I mean). So I find it very interesting knowing someone whose point of view on MOST things is completely different from mine. And not only is it different but she is sooo not afraid to tell you what she thinks about something if her opinion is different.

Well tonight we had a very interesting conversation. She said a few things that I'm still nto quite sure how to take and I'm sure she's probably wondering if she should have said them. But still it's her opinion and how she feels and there was some truth to what she said so I don't feel I have to run back and whinge about it. And funnily enough she had an opinion on things with M - and anyone who knows us knows you'll see us fight and things are 'strained' at the moment - and most of what she said M and I had a talk about last weekend and have decided to work on. Okay so everything won't go away immediately but I've vowed to change things becuase we weren't on a good path and a good part of that was my fault. So to hear someone that doesn't know us that well saying how uncomfortable she was, well it just drove home the obvious.

I guess I'm finding this so unusual because it's not very often (I can't even remember the last time) that someone you're becoming friends with sort of passes judgement on you. It wasn't a personal attack. It was a 'this is how you seem to me and this is how you make me feel'.

E-Gads.

How deep is that on a Friday night? Which is interesting because at the same time she's revealing more about herself. I know a HUGE amount of personal information, probably more than I've told her. Nor do I imagine she tells this same information to every Tom, Dick or Harry. And I guess what I've taken away from the whole chat is that I complain. alot. BUt she does like me. I'm not going to triple guess myself now, I'm on a roll. Which is fair enough because she's come to work for us on the tail end of an extremely difficult time in our lives in which things are rocky. And the reason she's here to help is what I'm complaining about (the things which i have a problem with, not that she's here if you see what I mean.). Things that we're working on.

Anyhow, I've rambled on enough about my personal life. Are you supposed to be this personal on a blog? Oh well if not, I am so there. It's now time for beddy bye. I've done about 10 rounds on the new pair of socks from the dreaded but loved wool from my MIL. I WILL WILL MAKE SOCKS.

I'm off to bed. Nighty night.

ps. I'm still weirded out.